Coming of Age Writing Project
By Jeremy Goldstein 812
Prompt #3: Who was I? Who am I? What do I want to
be?
I really confused myself. It’s almost like I want to ask
myself questions. “Why Jeremy? What influenced me to say/do that?” I honestly
would’ve changed so much about my decision-making. Sometimes I think, if my
present day self was me in that situation, you know, one, two, three, four,
etc., years ago, my life would be so much better. But I (the one that’s writing
this) wasn’t. Maybe the reason this me wishes I was there because I know what
happens and want to change it. That guy a year ago doesn’t know. Time doesn’t
work like that. Time works in mysterious ways. It screws everything up, making
life terribly worse. I guess time must really hate me. It makes me fend for
myself without any protection from anyone else. I’m not good at living; I
desperately need somebody else’s help. Somebody telling what to do, what’s good
for me, what will be good for my future.
Even
in my almost immediate past, I would’ve done so many things differently if this jerk time would let me redo or
have entranced me with extreme knowledge during the occurrence of the event.
This would help me shape the rest of my youth how I want it to be. I’m not too
worried about my adult life, that doesn’t affect me until college. To help
avoid the next four years of my life being a negative blur, my decision-making
must be perfect. It has to be so good that in the future I’ll look back and say
either, what a smart boy I was! or I couldn’t have done it any better myself. I
have a slight vision of my future, but if I drastically improve my short and
long-term decision-making, the future waiting over the horizon might be
enjoyable.
With
all these concerns about my past and my future, what about now? I mean, people
do things for their future so life is good then.
What about now? Have fun? Meet some new people? I don’t understand this me. He
does some things good, some terrible, and some just okay. I disappoint myself.
Soon, this guy under my skin will develop into my future. Yikes, I’ll
definitely live a pretty bad life. Nah, I’m just kidding myself. I must ask
myself, though, Who was I? What do I want
to be? And most importantly, Who am
I?
Then
I realized, who I am doesn’t matter. It seems apparent that I’m a different
person everyday. No, scratch that, every second. I’m gaining more and more
knowledge by the tick. I’m like a time bomb; I get closer to achievement by the
second. The thing is, I don’t know what achievement is. This achievement will
tell me who I am. Scratch that as well, that will tell me how I change
dramatically, and then I’ll go back to changing by the second. Life will be me
just waiting for another time bomb to go off.